Before Marriage: 5 Things You Don’t Have to Know

The French writer Colette captured these passionate conflicting thoughts of a new bride: “The day after that wedding night I found that a distance of a thousand miles, abyss and discovery and irremediable metamorphosis, separated me from the day before.” She captures how marriage transforms you. Somehow you are one person before marriage, and another the day after. The change isn’t slow, but instant and forever.

I remember a similar honeymoon revelation. As a writer for a marriage ministry, I thought I was overly prepared before marriage. But marriage revealed both good and bad about my spouse and myself. And over the years, I’ve found matrimony to be both boring and exciting, tragic and sacred.

But one thing it’s not—predictable.

What you don’t need to know before marriage
That’s the irony of putting off marriage until you’re “ready.” Yes, there are topics a young couple is wise to discuss, like faith traditions, pasts, and expectations. But many worries can be bypassed.

Here are five things you don’t need to know before marriage:

  1. How will I know when I meet my soul mate?
    The Bible doesn’t address “soul mates.” Yet the soul connection in marriage is automatic. Jesus said it this way: “‘The two shall become one flesh’ … What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:8-9).

But just because your souls are joined doesn’t mean marriage is easy. It takes hard work and fine-tuning, but that’s part of the value. A “soul mate” is someone you intentionally and prayerfully become.

  1. Am I ready for marriage?
    Job 12:12 says, “Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.” The truth is, no one would get married if readiness was required. Experience itself is a teacher.

A person can take classes on flying an airplane, but until that person gets in the air, is he ever really “ready” to be a pilot? Marriage is the same way.

Who’s ready for the jolt of a life-threatening illness and the fear of loss? Who’s ready for the crash of two cultures and the emotional turmoil of giving up your own desires for the good of another? No one is ready for that, no matter how much training you have.